On Being a Pioneer

Bros, had you any doubt who ran this town? When people say, "You'll enjoy living in the 5 College area. It's a real intellectual, literary oasis," what they mean to say is it's a place for people to bro out, to get kissed by two girls at the same time at Charlie's Tavern, to be a high scoring erotic photo hunt expert at the bar, to toss empties into the well-manicured lawns on the rich side of Lincoln Avenue, to make fun of the shrieking women who wander home shrieking about being women, to stand like a refrigerator upstairs at the Pub, taking a drag of another cigarette. Bros, Amherst is a literary place like the rest of the 5 College area, but it's not quite the same. Amherst does it bro style, too.



After all, Lord Jeffrey Amherst, Amherst's great namesake, is most definitely a bro.

Unfortunately, he's got a bad rep for passing off blankets infected with smallpox to the Native American population. But no one ever said it was ethical to be a bro. In fact, most of history is defined by the actions of unethical bros. If you want to pretend like you don't know, there are other places to move to-- Amherst is merely the epicenter of all things bro.

If anyone asks you where you live, don't be ashamed. Tell them you live in a sick oasis of beer, bitches, and books.